Corral De La Cruz Theatre

Ponderings with Eugene

This Tuesday, a few nights ago, I woke at 2am in cold sweat. Why? How the hell should I know. I’m a writer, not a doctor. Instead of moping about my plight, I decided to go for a walk. I vested myself with an L.L. Bean overcoat and a pair of Sketchers. Don’t laugh. I need the arch support.

As I walked, I contemplated the fickleness of life. How quickly everything and everyone change. I once had a friend in high school who moved away to California. I was living in Montana at the time. When I tried to call him after he left, he never answered the phone. “Leave a message after the tone,” the phone voice would always say.

“Why don’t you shut up you robotic…” I won’t finish my words. They are not quote on quote kosher.

I don’t tell that story to sadden you, it actually ends quite happily. My “friend” died, and I went to the funeral. The services lasted three hours. I sat through the whole drab affair. After they were over, I stood by his grave till everyone left. I had waited for this moment a long time. Then, I danced on his grave.

He who laughs last, laughs the loudest.

The grass dampened my feet as a walked, soaking through my shoes. Normally I would curse the heavens for such an occurrence, but my mind was wrapped in higher thoughts. Soon, I began philosophizing about God, religion, politics, and social standards. During my ten-week stint in prison, I had read the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, The Natyashastra, and Women and Shame by Brene Brown. None of them rang true to me. There was an emptiness to it all, an emptiness that clouds existence. Something was missing in my life.

Then, I made it back home. I wrote a short manifesto of ways I would change my life to make it more fulfilling.

I went to bed.

When I woke the next morning, I couldn’t find the manifesto I had written, and my determination for change had withered. Then I chuckled to myself. Everyone and everything change so quickly. But me, I stay the same, probably because fate always reminds me that I’m already too perfect anyways.

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