Corral De La Cruz Theatre

SSL or The Holy Grail

Websites are the bane of godliness. How do coders do it? They must have no soul. That is the only logical conclusion. My reasoning comes from personal experience, the experience of building this very website. For the longer I work on it, the more crippled my soul becomes. At it’s core, web creation is a soul draining escapade. Only the strongest of men should ever attempt it.

I, Eugene Shackspeare, am one of those strong men. Yet even with my strength, bravery, and beauty, I have suffered. I have called upon assistance time and again to fight the good fight. My most recent endeavor came in the form of an SSL certificate. A man must obtain one in order to please the algorithmic gods of Google. If the gods are pleased, a lock in the left corner of the search bar will appear. But a relic of such power does not appear without cost. A man must first quest against the soul crushing power of website building.

I and my companions toiled hour after hour to obtain the favor of the Google gods. It seemed to come into view then vanish from our sights. It was the holy grail, unattainable yet it yearned to be found. We picked up many companions along the way, web knights such as Glancelot the Strong and Boram the Wise. Even with our combined strength we continued to fail. Some men even lost their dignity and retreated from the fray.

It was only by the grace of the unseen gods that we succeeded. For at the very moment of despair, a thought came to my mind, “Look to those who know.” So we called upon the priests and priestesses of Google. Two hours later an email appeared on my phone. It read, “SSL Plugin.” We had been searching for the holy grail without a map!

We redoubled our efforts and in classic Shackspeare style, we won the day.

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