Corral De La Cruz Theatre

The Sad Truth of Art and Athleticism

There is an unfortunate but true scientific theory that plagues the theatre community. While I deem myself the exception, theories are called so because they apply to a large subset of individuals. This theory is known as the athletic/artistic spectrum. The theory states that as one becomes more artistic, they become less athletic and visa versa. As stated previously, I Eugene Shackspeare, am the exception. I write at the depths of opaque ocean caverns, and I do sport at the level of elite professional athletes.

You may say to yourself, “Eugene, what about great actors like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? Isn’t he both athletic and artistic?” My answer is, if your version of artistic is the WWE and Standing Tall, you can go to hell. The man is a specimen and put him behind a camera, he is still a specimen, but that is all.

“What about Denzel Washington? Didn’t he play college basketball?” Yes, he was once athletic. But have you seen him now? As his artistic abilities have soared above the celestial plane, his gut has enjoyed the heathenistic pleasures of earth.

Give me any artist or athlete and the athletic/artistic spectrum will hold true. There is no individual who can escape the sad truth of this scientific theory (besides me, of course). To conclude, I warn any athlete who wishes to dip their toe into the arts or any artist who wishes to go to that pickup basketball event. Stay where you belong or risk the consequences of science.

*This article is not sponsored or endorse by Corral de la Cruz, LLC.

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